What if CNN Covered the 1864 election?

From American and Proud, here is an excerpt, read the rest over there:

On November 8th, 1864, CNN cut all their usual programs for an election night special in Washington D.C. The transcript follows.

Wolf Blitzer: And we’re back, with more unbiased coverage from CNN, the completely unbiased and extremely accurate news channel that everyone is watching. Joining me today is CNN anchor Anderson Cooper.

Anderson Cooper: Great to be here!

Wolf: Also in the field is our terrific CNN support staff, who you’ll be meeting in the near future. For now, though, I’d like to go to CNN correspondent and former advisor to Democratic president James Buchanan Donna Brazile. Donna, any predictions?

Donna: I think it’s obvious. The American people have spoken. Lincoln likes talking about how bad slavery is and how we’re fighting the good fight, but he time and again ignores the main issue of the economy. What is his stance on the Homestead Act renewal? What about draft class inequality? Lincoln needs to be held accountable for his despicable handling of the war and the economy tonight, and I think the American people will do just that..

Wolf: What impact will General Grant and General Sherman’s victories have on the race?

Donna: Wolf, the American people are more worried about the economy than the war right now. That’s the main problem in America: the economy. We’ve gotta ignore all the propaganda that Washington is spreading about how well we’re doing. Fact is, we’re not. We’re losing horribly.

(ticker at the bottom of the screen reports “Lee retreating at full speed”)

Wolf: That much is obvious. We’ll pause here for an ad break. When we come back: more unbiased coverage.

(roll ads)

Wolf: Doesn’t it crack you up when I do that “more unbiased coverage” thing? ROTFL!!!

Anderson: *snort*

Wolf: Oh, we’re on air? !*#@. And we’re back with more unbiased coverage.

Anderson: Yup.
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Lol, wouldn't be so sad if it weren't true