Ah Yep

The New Rules of War - Hat tip to Junkyard Blog
When you’re fighting a war against terrorists who don’t respect human rights, the Geneva Conventions or any of the later Protocols, international or indeed any form of human decency, there are apparently quite a few things you can’t do. It’s good of the Democrats in Washington to help keep us all in step with the times.

Here are the new Harry Reid/Nancy Pelosi/Howard Dean Rules of War:

1. You can’t invade the countries where the terrorists live, train and plot. That only creates more terrorism. You can’t invade countries that harbor terrorists or help them in any way, even if those countries have long histories of all kinds of violent behavior and are always promising more violent behavior. And anyway, even if you do invade you have no hope of winning. Even if you actually are winning. So don’t bother.

2. If you happen to capture any terrorists (which won’t be easy since you can’t invade their domains), you can’t actually keep them or gain any information from them. If you do keep them, you have to make sure the entire world knows where you’re keeping them, because of course the entire world including other terrorists have a right to know. But you really shouldn’t keep captured terrorists for any length of time. And while you have them, you can’t ask them any questions beyond name and what they want for their halal lunch. You can’t pressure them to talk, even if it means losing an American city or two. Don’t even look at a captured terrorist’s copy of the Koran, or you will violate his human rights.

3. You must blind yourself. Even though the terrorists who attacked us on 9-11 lived here and blended into ethnic immigrant communities, you can’t go around asking any questions of anyone who might have known anything about the terrorists, or who resemble the terrorists in any way. You can’t build a profile based on what the terrorists looked like, what they believed, where they came from or even what gender they belonged to (as if gender is anything more than a social construct anyway). If you do ask around or try to establish a basic criteria for finding other terrorists who may still be at large, you’ll be accused of racism/nationalism/everyotherism and the ACLU will see you in court.

4. Do not use your technology to figure out what the terrorists are talking about or planning. Even though the terrorists who attacked us lived here and communicated with other terrorists in those domains we can’t invade (because it just creates more terrorism, of course), we can’t monitor communications coming into the country or going out of it. Even though it’s legal, and has been for years. Even though the same Congressmen and Senators now decrying such monitoring were briefed on it several times over the course of the past few years, and supported it when a president of their own party did it for economic reasons. You just can’t monitor communications, at all.

5. Republicans and conservative Christians are always and everywhere worse than terrorists of any stripe or creed. They just are. QED.

To review: Do not invade countries harboring terrorists. Do not capture terrorists and keep them for any duration, and do not interrogate them about ongoing or future attacks. Do not profile terrorists, making it easier to stop them. And do not monitor communications between terrorists or anyone else. Republicans and conservative Christians are the real enemy, so forget about that mumbling, swarthy guy with the bulges under his sweater who looks to be between 18 and 35 and concentrate on the owner of your local tire store who happens to go to church and votes Republican. Because he’s the real enemy!

So basically, just so we’re all clear on this, when you’re fighting terrorists who want to destroy your civilization, you can’t do a damn thing about it except demonize people who have no connection to terrorism whatsoever. Hey, if you’re lucky the caliphate will at least bring good health care when Dar al Islam reaches your neighborhood.

Have a nice day. Inshallah.